The first part I'll call "The World Through Music"
Now, bare with me on this one, it may seem a little out there - bizarre if you will, but I caught myself lost in it again tonight on the drive home from work. I'm a social person at heart. If I were to be stuck on a deserted island for the rest of my life - I'd probably either take my chances and swim in order to hopefully find someone, or kill myself, even if that meant with coconuts, because while yes, at times, I do like to be alone, I cannot be alone for too long - I go bat shit. Now back to the story - the drive home for work usually consists of me in a car for twenty minutes by myself, music blaring and my horrible singing ensuing. But this summer, I find myself with a new trend - I try to hit traffic lights. Not to get home later or prolong my time in the car, but to remain absorbed in what has recently caught my attention. By boosting the bass in my car and blaring my music, any lights in my rearview mirror vibrate and resonate to the beats in the music. Sure, this may not sound all that staggering, but it's amazing. Depending on the song, the world can look dull, depressing, empty, but with the right harmonics, the world comes alive. The lights jump up and down, left to right, diagonally. It's beautiful. It's like the shaky world effect in the Butterfly Effect, but isolated to just sources of light. The addition of driving away from the lights, while constantly adding more the further you go is a nice touch as well. If you have the chance one night, do it, because it is probably something you've never seen before and it's worth a try. Don't worry if someone is in the next lane watching you as you stare mesmerized into your rear view mirror. They'll probably do the same next time they're alone. I'll try to take a photo of it or video of it soon and post it.
Second topic, a bit of a downer, "Regret"
I was tired tonight at work. Let me back up a second. My mind works with how my body feels. So, when I'm tired, my mind spirals to darker, less happier pockets of emotion. As a result, I sat next to the Giant Wheel wondering what could of been. We all have regrets. Everyone of us. For someone to go through life saying they've never had a regret is shoveling bullshit for a living. Don't get me wrong, I do believe in the "good" life and things going the "right way,' but everyone has something they'd want to change in their life, somewhere, sometime, possibly with someone. Not to sound cliche or dramatic, but boy have I had my share, but I always find myself coming back to just one. Yeah, over my lifetime I've pocketed a lot of regret, like could I have done more in college, applied myself more to my films, performed better on the tennis courts, stay in touch with friends better, kept my family from falling apart - the list goes on and on. I know some people out there will probably roll there eyes at this, but one person has affected me more than anyone else and I let them slip away. Unfortunately, it's more than once. This person is someone I hope I remain friends with throughout my entire life. They have a way of pulling a smile out of my regardless of how depressed and alone I feel. They are able to make me laugh because of something stupid they do, but at the same time aren't afraid to laugh at their self either. This person opened me up. Sure, I'm still shy but they reduced it so much over the past couple of years. I feel I created a bond with this person that I have only created with a few others. It's something special. The kind of friendship that I could call in the middle of the night and ask for talk and I'd get it - regardless of how pissed they may be depending on the hour of night or schedule of their next day. But forget all of this - I missed it. I had chances I suppose, but I never acted on them. I held my tongue, or hid my feelings, and I always regretted it. I didn't want to ruin something so good. At times I felt invisible - like I did all I could without shouting out my feelings. I stood by them and helped them when they needed it, during times of low and times of jubilation, but I still felt hidden. To quote Ryan Reynolds, I was stuck in the proverbial "friend circle"with absolutely no way out. Some people say there is one person for everyone out there and I think I could have stumbled upon mine (heavy shit I know and cliche, but oh well, it's how I feel). How can I deal with it? With the possibility that the one for me got away and is still drifting, further everyday. Maybe someday they'll fade or my feelings will disappear. Maybe I hope they will? I guess it could be easier that way. Life acts in mysterious ways. Is this a way of telling me to move on, that there are others out there? Or is this some cruel joke and we'll reunite down the road like the movie Serendipity? If that is the case, I'm going to be royally pissed of for the world messing with me. Moving across the country certainly doesn't help this problem. And yes, I'm talking about a girl.
Who's in the mood for some creativity? Italics = Song playing on the radio
The sun plummets from the air,
outside pupils begin to dilate.
On turns the radio, totally unaware,
of the stagnant body in bed.
Broken, beaten down can't even get around
Without an old-man cane, I fall and hit the ground
Shivering in the cold, I'm bitter and alone
A hand unearths itself from the sheets
fumbling, blind, it misses the radio.
Gnarled feet land on the floor,
a stretch and his back groans.
And I don't wanna be an old man anymore
It's been a year or two since I was out on the floor
Shakin' booty, makin' sweet love all the night
It's time I got back to the good life
The shower pours itself out
crying steaming tears on weathered skin.
Not many hairs left to shampoo,
the surviving few stand proud.
Socks slowly rise over thin ankles
elastic clinging to not slide down.
Argyled feet fall into shined soles,
leather creaking as he rocks to the music.
Loop it, swoop it, pull,
half winston, the tie slides tight.
Comb flows through sparse hairs,
floss glides through pristine dentures.
The record player sings and jives with life
His hand waits for hers.
A smile reveals a cosmetic smile
“Still stunning after all these years.”
No comments:
Post a Comment