All she had wanted to do was breath. Leave it all behind, break free.
She was stuck in the gloom.
Her picturesque life had tricked her. She hadn't found the perfect man. The house they shared wasn't really where she wanted to be. It didn't feel like home. All of it felt alone.
At first she was happy. They had met innocently, randomly, and seemed to just click. Days turned into weeks. Weeks into months. Months into years. She didn't believe what she had lived. Looking back on it she saw it all as a lie. The arguments. The torment. The inevitable smell of alcohol lingering in the air when she'd arrive home from work. His eyes would be bloodshot the times they were still open, hair tussled, shirt color cocked to an angle. She'd have to coddle him, take care of him, walk him upstairs after gently prying the bottle from his slack fingers. She knew what it meant to be a mother, without ever giving birth, watching first steps, or letting go of a hand as the first day of school began.
She didn't like it. She wanted a baby. Not a grown man who would drink himself into a condition that wearing a diaper would be useful.
What had expired early in the evening only drove the final nail deeper into the coffin, sealing it shut from any hopes that what lay within would ever be resurrected. She hated herself for putting herself through it all. Verbally and physically abused, she retreated, running into the night, unaware of where she would end up.
The last couple years had been a swirl of black, churning and building, swelling at the surface, tumbling endlessly - a tide that only continued to rise, never ceasing to fall. Keeping her down. Below the brackish liquid, her lungs burned, pleading for air, clawing at her insides, wanting to swim to the surface themselves.
Just when everything began to fade and she felt like she was ready to give up, his hands broke through, plunging deep down to grab her and pull her to the surface. It was amazing. Rebirth. Her head broke the surface and the air invaded her, assaulted her. It tasted so good. Refreshing. It tasted like ozone. It t tasted like rain.
She couldn't make sense of how she got there or how he found her - alone, desperate, at a random bar.
It had been so long.
All she knew was that she was happy.
"She knew what it meant to be a mother, without ever giving birth, watching first steps, or letting go of a hand as the first day of school began."
ReplyDeleteHow do you come up with sentences like these?!? AMAZING.
Honestly, Drew, you could expand this into a book, or at least a short story to be published. You are SO talented! Keep going with this one - even if it is only an entry every now and again.
22 days!
ieyu, ilys!