He just sat there. Letting the rain fall down onto the car. Pelting the glass and roof. Drumming away. It just sounded like static. And he was lost in it.
She was inside. Grabbing a quick coffee for the road and double checking a couple of rooms to make sure she wasn't leaving anything behind. It had only been a few minutes since she was at the passenger door, reassuring him that she'd be right back, but it had felt like a lifetime. As if time had stopped and he was stuck in limbo. Damned to live in that one particular moment for the rest of his life. Rain pouring down. Drowning out all the other noises in the world. Droning on forever.
Somewhere within that wall of noise, his mind began to wander. Maybe to escape or just because it seemed logical at the time but the past began to surge back. He could see it all so clearly. Each memory. As if they were happening at that exact moment.
Standing at the hospital. Waiting for her to arrive. Coaching his wife through everything just like they had been taught. Peering in through the glass, seeing her tucked into her tiny pink blanket, just her little forehead visible. He saw her first steps. Heard her first words. Re-witnessed her first scar - falling out of a tree in the park. She had always been so adventurous. Scared of nothing. He remembered placing the band-aid on her knee and kissing it to make it feel better. Her first school dance. How embarrassed she was to introduce her date to the family. Convincing her braces were not the end of the world. Before he knew it, he was sitting on her bed, holding her, consoling her, trying to hide his own tears from her - promising that everything was going to be alright. That mom wasn't gone. She'd be with her for the rest of her life. In every memory. In every moment of laughter. Every sunny day. She'd be watching her grow. Protecting her. Then it jumped forward, to getting her license. Letting her take the car for the first time. How scared he was the first accident she got it - even if it was just some chipped paint on the curb. Grilling Sean as she was upstairs getting ready for her first date. Setting the time for curfew. Warning him. Soon after it was prom. Him standing there at the base of the stairs with all the other mothers, snapping photos as she stood with her date, smiling. She was so beautiful. She had her mother's eyes, smile, and cheekbones. Everything about her radiated grace. He was so proud. Before he knew it, orientation had come and gone. A quick four days without her. One of the longest times they had been apart since it was just the two of them.
The sound of the door opening snapped him back to reality. She was standing there, peering in at him, a little confused by his blank stare. For a moment he swore he saw her as she once was - young, dressed in her favorite pink pants and velcro shoes - hair bulled back in a loose ponytail, one front tooth missing. All he could do was smile back, convincing her things were alright. After a moment she climbed in.
Ready to go.
It was what he had been dreading for his entire life, especially since her mother had passed. He had tried to give her some of the best years of her life and he knew at times it was a struggle being a single Dad, but he hoped she knew she meant the world to him. And even though he knew this moment was coming, it still hurt deeper than he could of ever imagined. It was time to let his little girl spread her wings and become who she was destined to be.
Without another thought, he put the car into drive and pulled away from the curb. Luckily for him, the university wasn't too close to home.
He had a few more hours with his baby.
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