It's be twenty days! Holy shit, it's as if I forgot about this blog - well, to be honest, I kind of did.
I've been through a lot in the last three weeks - drinking whiskey and a 1890's themed bar, watching people get tossed off mechanical bulls, tailgated for the first (and hopefully not last) time at a UCLA game, played more than my share of Madden 11, and of course, applied to jobs. To be honest, it isn't all its cracked up here to be. Do I love it? Yeah, of course I do, but it's lack luster at the moment. Thus far, I think I've applied to over 40 positions, to which I've received two responses. One of which seems to keep stringing me along, as if I'm the horse and they're dangling the carrot in front of me - making me trod further and further after a reward that I may ever receive, while the other place is well below what I need to remain living out here. It's hard, throwing yourself out there, to not get a response, to wonder "what about me isn't meeting their criteria?" It's also tough knowing that people out there, much less qualified than me are getting positions that would be perfect for me - all because they know someone. It is what it is, and I'm accepting of it - but boy does it suck major ass.
Yesterday, I skyped with two of my best friends from school and it was awesome. It was nice seeing them, hearing them, laughing with them again, but it brought me back to school. Right now it'd be the beginning of tennis season, when the team would travel on weekends to tournaments, catching up with one another from a summer apart, bonding with the new freshmen. I miss that. I miss goofing around with coach, helping maintain the team, run practice, drill, work up a sweat. This is when Ithaca is it's most beautiful. The grass is still a vibrant green, yet the leaves should beginning to change color. The are is still warm and humid, prompting a trip to the gorges or a late night drink down in the commons, sitting outside people watching - time to spend with your friends. I miss the clean air, the sound of fellow students outside.
I made the mistake of looking through photos from friends' albums on facebook today. I looked through the photos from the beginning of college, mostly only freshman year, and I realize I missed out a lot. I should have joined more clubs. Hell, I should have join A club. I should have been more sociable. Yeah, I was the nice guy that people knew, but I wasn't the one who everyone got excited to see when they walked in a room. Tennis deserved more effort from me. I could have contributed to the wins of the team. But most importantly, I should have just tried. Tried harder in class, been part of more Park productions, television shows, films, events. I should have tried harder with girls, with planning my future. I held a lot close to me chest. I should have just let it all hang out.
I want a job.
I miss my friends.
I want my time at Ithaca back.
yeah.
ReplyDelete